Jekyl and Hyde days are ones I dread. Gone is the absent minded but relatively stable mum; and in comes the person who I’m still getting to grips with. The person who is confused but ambling along, but can turn to accusing, snappy and secretive. The person who doubts what’s said, who accuses you of being secretive yourself. Who accuses you of stealing and being untrustworthy, and thinks you’re out to ‘get them’.
It’s on days like this that I can understand how someone could easily get frustrated and angry with the situation and the patient themselves. It’s not easy. It’s bloody hard in fact, and I know that’s only going to get worse, the more she declines. Many deep breaths, taking 5, and cups of coffee required, lol. It’s 1.40pm, and I’m amazed I’m only on my second cup! (They are big cups however, lol).
Some crying too, being honest. I hate what this is doing to my loving mum and friend. I also cry for myself. Selfish? Sometimes I think so. Other times, I know I deserve better. I know I deserve help, and time out. I deserve the right to have a lie in, or go to bed at 7pm if I need to.
I deserve, and need, and want to spend quality time with my long suffering fiancé.
Selfish..?
R, x
Dementia Daughter 